I wish you could order shots online.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize