its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
