last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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