Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Randomize
