I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
