real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Let's paint friendship bongs
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
