battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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