Jerry, you need to find god
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
