I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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