If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
