Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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