Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize