I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
