I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
