4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm jealous of your bromance
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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