I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He has the fingertips of a God
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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