I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
