Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
