Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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