I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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