Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
