considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
