I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
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