i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
