Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
