kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
