I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
We are all done wearing pants today
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
All I want is dick and wine.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
