Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
