Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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