Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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