I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
