And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
