college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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