WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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