is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
