i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
