Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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