I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
