he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
