this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize