I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
