I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
