I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
