just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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