im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
