I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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