I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize