he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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