dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
