All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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