We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
