Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
