I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
