his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
