So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
