also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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