Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
