I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
