duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
