I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
