i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
