dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
