I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
