We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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