God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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