I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
