ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
