He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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