Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
