I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
