Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
