The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
