Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
