I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
