Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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