Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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