i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
