I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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