i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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