There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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