So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
