How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
