pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You can't special order awesome
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize