True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
as a side note pls kill me
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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