oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize