I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
How does one acquire holy water?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
