1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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