Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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