from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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