Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
