Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize