so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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