i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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