Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Randomize
