I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
