i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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