dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
