ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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