just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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