It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
