i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
