so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
That's intense
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Boobs speak an international language.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
