Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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