4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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