Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
