he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
