If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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