I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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