I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
