sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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