Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
why do cheetos always look like penises
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
