i'm signing you up for texting rehab
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
