Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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