His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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