So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
