He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
