Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize