It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
