What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
