Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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