Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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