I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
