I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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