ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
