Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize
