Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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