Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
