he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
