Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize