Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
