Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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