I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
